A humble suggestion on how to fix Soccer

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Play me whilst you read!

Readers of this blog will know that we are not fans of needless robot automation. However – there are times when using Robots effectively can bring about a much better outcome. This may be one of those times. The problem of trying to watch a soccer game have become to serious to ignore. What are those problems you ask? After years of analyzing Soccer from afar here are the 3 main problems with the sport as it stands today.

  1. Lets face it. Soccer is excruciatingly boring to watch. Scoring is so low, that you feel robbed if you go to the bathroom to pee and miss a goal. The rest of the ‘excitement’ is just players running up and down the field. Another reason Soccer can be boring is the constant stoppages in the game. There is really no good reason for the amount of stoppages. There are WAY too many fouls. Fouls slow the game down needlessly. Out of bounds should be the only foul. Offsides,  a completely needless foul, was invented specifically to reduce scoring (brilliant). Get rid of the fouls. Increase scoring. Make the game watchable.
  2. Officials have way to much power to influence the game. This results in unfair outcomes. Teams win or lose based on these dubious referee calls. The results: goals scored that shouldn’t have been, goals not scored that should have been, players sent off that should have stayed on and players staying on that should have been sent off.
  3. Flopping. Nothing else needs to be said. giphy-7

So how can we fix the game? Here are 3 humble proposals that we feel will make the game much more tolerable to watch.

First – How to make the game more exciting. The MAIN reason that there is so little excitement is the lack of scoring. The fix, in many ways, is very simple. You either get rid of the goalie, or make the net much larger.  Getting rid of the goalie seems like the most obvious solution – since the existence of a person on a soccer team that can pick up the ball seems odd in the first place. But I prefer making the goal the entire width of the field. Sure – there may be some accidental goals but who cares. It happens already!

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Second – and this is where the Robots come in – we need Robot Umpires that don’t miss calls. We need fewer fouls and the ones that we are left with should be called only if there is an actual infraction. Red card should be burned. Robot Umpires will keep the game moving by not making bad calls that require a game stoppage.

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Lastly – the issue of Flopping. Examples of this behavior is the best medicine so lets start there. If you have a weak stomach you may want to skip past this quickly.

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Flopping is the saddest part of soccer. I literally can’t watch it. It makes me ill. Why do these guys embarrass themselves so much. One very obvious reason.  To draw a foul. Since every goal is so impactful, drawing a penalty yields a much bigger advantage in soccer than, say, free throws in basketball. There are even how-to video’s for kids to learn how to flop!

What is the answer? Pretty simple – VERY high price has to be paid for flopping. It has been suggested that once you implement robot refs’ you could have them actually pull the arms and legs off the offending flopper and shoot the body parts into the stands with air cannons. A tough love approach perhaps, but it would clearly stop flopping. Perhaps a more humane approach to get this off the ground.

Once you have the all seeing Robot Umps from above – the answer becomes pretty simple. All penalties in the box are subject to review. Robot umpires – who will mostly get it right to begin with have the ability to review and reject a penalty if its deemed a flop. There is already a yellow card assessed for flopping (its rarely called). I would be for giving the other team a penalty kick immediately if flopping is called.

Imagine if there was a rule in baseball that stated getting hit by a pitch with the bases loaded means your team gets an automatic grand slam. Sure some guys would still try to hit the ball but you would also see a whole lot of guys leaning in to inside pitches or pretending balls that came near them actually hit them. You could try and hit a grand slam the traditional way but that is much more difficult then taking the gimme. That would be a stupid rule right? But that’s exactly what is happening in soccer.

The flopping has to stop. The game needs to be made less boring. Cant wait to hear from all our soccer playing anti-robot friends on our suggestion! Leave your message below.

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